January 18, 2005
expansion
so, thanks to everybody who has written words of support, so far.
i thought i might clarify something without, unfortunately, being too specific.
simply put, the circumstances surrounding my current pining (and why i'm not acting on it) are too vast and unless something drastic happens in the next few months are quite unlikely to change.
i am not lacking in any confidence surrounding the situation. if the circumstances surrounding the issue weren't so complicated and vast, maybe i'd act on it. in particular, i have moral issues with one part of it - that which i've already explicated regarding having a current boyfriend.
nor am i dispirited. i quite understand that my mind is acting irrationally (by pushing her away). nor do i feel like i'll push people away in a romantic sense (or back to their old boyfriends) due to lack of confidence... maybe that was the circumstances before, but with my maturity has come the confidence, it's more a matter of where i apply it. this particular occasion does not warrant application or even thought of application because it's something i refuse to engage myself in.
in other words, i don't ask out that many people simply because i don't want to. i'm too picky, probably, and maybe one day i'll get over that. nor am i worried about my physical looks, as i know i'm attractive to many - i don't mean that arrogantly, i just tend to find out that people are attracted to me but typically the feeling is not reciprocal. as i said, i tend to be very picky, a problem which will probably continue indefinitely.
i know this was a vague clarification, but i hope you can at least empathize if not understand...
and for the friend who asked for pictures of more hot babes:
