all hail vic

personality crisis

so, have you ever felt your personality change? it's kind of a weird experience.

i don't know if anybody's gauged that my personality has changed since i moved abroad just by reading my blog, but i'd like to think that it has changed for the better.

three and a half years ago, when i was living in LA and working in the film industry, i felt that my personality was slowly changing for the worse. especially when it came to driving. any time i got in my car (and the two hour traffic-filled drive that accompanied it on weekdays), i would instantly switch into an aggressive hatred of other people because i felt nobody knew how to drive.

whereas now, i'd like to think that i would react in a "who cares" response to the traffic. i would sit there, relaxed, feeling introspective and weirdly appropriate.

the thing i would like to think that has most changed for the better is that i'm more proactively aggressive in inter-personal relationships (maybe i'll exclude family from this one, unless they feel it applies too). when i was in LA i sat back waiting for people to call me to do things, now i'm more willing to set things up and get the ball moving.

i'm also more laid-back in a general sense, it's an easier life when you don't stress about the uncontrollable details of life. you're late for an appointment, so it goes. maybe you could have prevented it and you'll do better next time, but when it boils down to the situation at hand - move your ass as best you can but there's nothing much more you can do about it. you're at the mercy of the world and things will probably not go exactly as you want. so why get upset if they do?

i used to get so agonizingly aggravated by the traffic in LA. i would scream and curse and shake in irritation. (that was the negative personality change.) now i think i would laugh first, sigh second, and then go with the flow.

i think i'm also more open to bluntness. there's a benefit to bluntness and lack of discretion. i know the appropriate times to use discretion but i also know that the truth is best left in its rawest colors. i think, on average, americans have gotten good at giving themselves half-truths. we find polite ways to address every issue, trying to make it as harmless and kosher and digestible in small pieces as possible. i think that's a dangerous mentality now. i think by speaking in roundabout tongue twists, you only end up missing the obvious and the changeable. it's easier to make excuses using that sort of language.

why soften language? why must we be so p.c.? if the intent behind the words is not there, why read in an intent that wasn't there just because somebody said a word that "might be offensive"?

so maybe i've actually changed. i know that i've been walking around with my head up and looking strangers in the eye more frequently, despite the dangers of dog feces or psychotics (respectively). again, i would like to think that i have for the better and maybe, just maybe, i will be able to apply it to my non-inter-personal life - in particular, my application towards getting work (see also "career") done.

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on that note, let me quickly elaborate future plans for you. i write this as ideas, even if i state them as facts. there is a possibility that they might happen, there's also a possibility that they might not happen.

i'm floating ideas now about what to do in the near-future.

first, the concrete: i'm going to Rimini, Italy again at the end of March - again for paganello. i will be teaching in Prague until June. the first week of July is the European club championships in Rostock, Germany. so i'll be going there for that.

second, the ideas: after Rostock, i'm thinking about travelling around Europe for a month or two, seeing what i haven't been able to see (and yet, still missing quite a lot). i'd like to see Turkey and. i'd like to see Budapest and the Baltic and Balkan countries. i'd like to see Scandanavia. Poland too. i'd like to see all of Europe really. anybody want to come with me?

when the summer's up, i'd like to try my hand at volunteering in South America for a month or two, working with sea turtles or jungle creatures. i've looked into this and there are quite a few programs listed over at idealist. working on a beach somewhere would be a pleasant change - this is coming from somebody being done in by the endless cold (and colds) of Prague winters. (my dad said it was 60 fahrenheit in bloomington, indiana last week. i'm looking forward to spring, suffice it to say.)

after that, i'm considering a host of options, almost all of which mean moving back to California: 1) starting my own website with a partner, details of which can only be revealed person-to-person; 2) pitching and finding a fellow producer/sponsor for a pair of reality TV shows (to be submitted to the WGA first, of course); 3) giving into my gut instinct that says i should be an actor and vainly trying to make it as an actor in Los Angeles (film and TV work - i'm not as good a stage actor, i'm afraid) but do i really want to become a member of the deluded crowds (that David Cross so lovingly talks about)?; 4) doing a combination of all three. i'd 100%, totally, completely, absolutely love to stay in prague, but i can't make my career in my desired field here - even the website would pretty much require me to be in the U.S. due to its content.

lastly, the dreams: if i could do anything right now, i'd take over the world and make it a peaceful harmonious place in order to prepare for the inevitable arrival of an intergalactic envoy from the planet Kornblatdoppleganggoffa.

Posted by iain at February 22, 2005 09:58 AM