Walking into Old Town from my flat yesterday, I had to walk down a hill. Springtime is in full effect, which means flowers and bugs. Along the path down the hill are lots of little bugs that are red with black spots (and they aren't ladybugs). I chose my steps carefully so as to crush as few of the things as possible.
About halfway down I passed a couple. And a little further behind them was their kid who was staring down at the ground.
He took a few steps and put down his foot with a firm crush, purposefully killing the bugs I had been avoiding.
***
It occurred to me the other night that there really is no gray area for me when it comes to romanticism and realism and being happy with your life. It seems that to be an effectively optimistic and contented human being, you cannot contain the certain cynicism that comes with a realistic perspective on life. Conversely, it's impossible to maintain a truly happy life and romanticism without a complete acceptance of the willful naivete that comes with it.
Life gets difficult for a romantic like me when my dreams and the world-at-large get so obviously stung by the events of the real world.
Nothing in particular brought this discussion on, really, it's just something that occurred to me on Friday night.
***
Scene: Saturday night, the back room of a get-into-everything-including-your-internal-organs smoke-filled pub
Six characters, myself included, sit around a table playing poker. I am in a losing mood and am currently down around 800 crowns (about $40). I walk up to the front of the pub to pay the server and leave. The server doesn't show up and it's time for the next, and hopefully my last poker hand.
So I go back to the table without paying and sit down, getting dealt into the next hand.
I put my final 100Kc (about $5) on the line, hoping to go home and go to sleep. We've been playing 4 1/2 hours. I'm tired. I want to sleep. I'm down money and don't want to lose more.
I win, effectively quadrupling my holdings to about 400Kc. It's about the first time in 3 dozen hands I've won. "Great," I think. "I'm never going to leave."
I get dealt the next hand. We're playing Texas Hold 'em. Somebody finds it fit to ante 20Kc before the flop. I have a 4 of clubs and an Ace. I ante, hoping to lose my money and go to sleep, since I don't forsee my trend of losing changing. But I'm gonna ride the Ace into the flop.
Up comes the flop: the 3 of clubs, the King of diamonds and the 5 of clubs. I'm looking at this stupidly. I decide that I'm gonna ride in the hopes of a flush or another Ace. The bets start coming in. It's going to be a large pot. I go with it.
The next card: the 6 of clubs. "Man!" I'm beginning to think a flush might work. So I keep going. At the end of the betting, I have somewhere just shy of 100Kc left in my pot. The rest I've thrown into the center. It's down to me and one other guy.
The final card: the 7 of clubs and my eyes bulge out. Thankfully the other guy doesn't notice the smirk I can't hide for the initial few seconds. I have a straight flush. It's almost unbeatable, unless he has the 8 and 9 of clubs, for which the odds are not high.
He bets 250 crowns. I have to pull money from my wallet to stay in, but I know I'm going to win, so I drop the 250 and raise him what remains of my chips.
He calls and turns: a pair of Kings. I apologize and drop the straight flush on him.
My 900Kc debt is instantaneously changed into a 500Kc positive bank.
From there on out, I lose maybe three hands of the remaining 15, including the final one where I drop about 300Kc (and the rest of my chips - many had since been cashed out for other people to remain in the game with me) on a jack-high flush that I had a strong feeling would be beaten by an Ace high flush from the person I was up against. It was true and I lost 300Kc ($15) on one hand. But I wanted to go to sleep and by that point, I was up over 2000Kc ($100). Having no chips left, I was free to leave and go to sleep. I left up 1900Kc ($95).
***
I'm playing frisbee again and my knees have thus far survived.
I'm recording with an unreliable engineer who only talks to me when I talk to him - meaning the conversation must be started by me. I may have to lose him if he doesn't get better after I talk to him about it today.
The weather is increasingly gorgeous and I showed some visiting ultimate players the view from my roof yesterday evening. I slept with my window open last night. I hardly felt the slight cold blowing in underneath my cozy, not-too-thick comforter.
Posted by iain at April 2, 2007 10:09 AM