this world is exhausting me.
i've already rent out most of my rage to a poor soul via this electronic slobberpuss of the virtual world i find myself living on.
the questions:
is it enough to simply love what you do, even if this world seems to hold no value in it, or at least no meaning?
is it enough to do a job deemed meaningful by the world, if it makes you want to tear your heart out?
if my work isn't helping people why am i doing it?
if this world truly doesn't care about a person who finds thinking and feeling imperative in her day to day life a more important task than finishing the memos and having business class training, why the hell am i living in it?
someone clue me in, here.
it is difficult to watch my beloved friends becoming so successfull, finding their way, making money, kind of doing what they love, getting paychecks from theater and feeling so. so. behind. defunct.
i know i am not these things, but as i told my love,
i am tired of trying to hold all these things spilling out of my heart
all by myself
too many are falling on the flooring, rolling away from my feet
drop by drop
1998 looked great on plain white paper and
the fiftieth plane to Champaign
I'll tell you if I had a chance to kill it I think
I would
take it
and shake it
and
kiss it to death
theres something inside that says
why are you painting floors while your pals
are out renaming the stars
get up get up and go do what you started
if you want to be a martyr try harder
I share your frustration.
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