"mom, dad.... its the phone call you've been waiting for for twenty-three years....
I'm calling to ask for some money."
wow. humbling, isn't it?
its my money, i suppose, but still an incredibly smack-you-in-the-face-you're-living-history moment.
but i'll pay rent next week.
i can't say too much, for fear i'll jinx it.
but there is a particular organization that is seemingly interested in my child management skillz... i'll keep you posted.
that said, i sang some of my lullabies to my first little one last night.
this 3 year old doesn't like me too much. i won't really put up with her temper flaring, but we did sing each other to sleep last night.
its a strange thing, the role of the surrogate mother. don't be frightened, there are no children in my immediate future, and yet, it doesn't feel altogether wrong just now to be caring for them, attempting to understand them, fascinated by their fascination for the world, at the same time trying to regain my own sense of wonderment in the world and still be able to know how practically to move through this world.
i had a friend once who was jumping around with a niece of his and suddenly remembered the first time he had ever realized he jumped.
what was that like, the first time we were held suspended by the air, nothing holding us to the ground, on our own, unsupported...?
we must have thought we could fly.
i feel that way now. something new in me. something fledgling and nurtured by years of soft feather tears. first time stepping off this
nest of secure thought
secure empathy and feeling
vertigo of love suspending
my own feet from the ground
and i am beginning to remember
my first moments like this
over and over again
and i am convinced
that soon enough, i will be able
to take to the sky
I don't remember jumping. But I remember jumping *on the bed*. Back then, my whole family slept in the same bedroom: a queen that Mom, Chris, and I slept on; the double that Mom and Dad shared (Mom would sneak away once Chris & I were asleep) and Lynn's twin. The day I discovered jumping on the bed was the same day we discovered jumping from bed to bed, which was the same day we discovered jumping from one bed, doing a somersault in mid-air, and landing in some way on the other bed.
Holy God, Megs. I wish I was forty pounds again.
:)
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