March 15, 2004

Illumination....

I was sitting on my couch last night. waiting for the fierni to set.

fierni is cardamom pudding.

i was sitting on my couch.
my boyfriend was playing cyndi lauper on the guitar.
zsa, laura, and i were singing "Time After Time" at the top of our lungs
(beautifully, of course)

i realized how happy i was.

spent the day in the park with friends and my love, a dog, backpack, cookies.

my heart hurts.
i know jen knows. she knows perhaps better than i do, how it is to mourn the loss of someone who you know is coming back to your life. its sweet pain. just hard to take. less sad and more frustrated than a permanent loss. because it feels like if you wanted to, you could really do something about it.

and lets' be honest: i could.

but we won't.

that's the root of my frustration. feeling like i'm betraying love and honoring too much pragmatism. but liking the illusion that i'm in control, that i can hold back this torrent.

at work. not so bad, really. its a help desk position. i'm reminded vaguely of the Help Desk game we used to play in harriers; the help-desk person was the straight man, and the customers were all insane.

its not so different really. how are our nation's medical professionals unable to follow the simple steps to the online link to "Forgot your password?"?!?!

i miss him. you. (yes, you)

i'm moving, slowly, again.
having supper with IMSAFolk tonight. Getting back to looking for jobs. Reading "Everything Is Illuminated."

Hoping against hope the title will take me home.

Posted by at March 15, 2004 10:36 AM | TrackBack
Comments

Oh, hon.
Yeah.

And in other news -

"EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED" IS THE BEST BOOK. I'm serious here. Call me when you've finished it.

:)

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