March 22, 2004

not sorry i am

So I'm applying for this stinking job.

I'm perfect for it. with the company I work with during the summer. doing admin, as well as traveling a bit and talking college students into teaching for us.

my old, lovely boss just told me that there are ten applicants for the position, one with a graduate degree, and several with post-graduation teaching experience. all of them have a history with the company.

i am so, so tired of not being able to find a job. i am so so sick of feeling like i cannot find any sense of financial stability. i am pissed off that there are so many talented, intelligent people my age that can't get jobs because this economy is so worthless, and it keeps trying to blame it on the quality of the applicants. or at least i take that to heart.

and don't get me wrong. i know i shouldn't take it to heart. i know it has no reflection on me as a human being whether or not i get this job, or any job, for that matter.

but dammit, it does scare the hell out of me, and here i am, still temping after nine bloody months, feeling the life seeping out of these legs and thinking about how imperative and yet HOW WORTHLESS it all seems to be! it is getting to the point where having a bachelor's isn't just a pre-req to getting a decent job, but a MASTER's?! who can afford that shit?

i'm angry. i'm angry and hurt by this whole world, and feeling like maybe the game is finally up. maybe the liberal arts kids will love me, and tell me i'm smart, and able to do good things in this world, but when it comes down to the world, i'm just another schmuck from white-trash Illinois who can't do much else that look at another person and try to talk to them. Who hasn't retained any facts from college. and who's gonna burst into tears right here in her twelve dollar an hour cubicle.

i'm not sorry about this rant. i'm not sorry about losing it right here at the bloody AAMC. i am sorry you all had to witness it.

Posted by at March 22, 2004 4:01 PM | TrackBack
Comments

Guess Who?

Probably the last person you want to hear from. Let's talk about life! Life is hard, so you do it hard!

Let's see, let's think about all the other of millions of people that have it alot worse than we do!

Let's talk about the Momma who has been a teacher for 25 years and her job is in Jeopardy! You know that sucks, but it could be worse!

You need some positive thoughts, girl! You need to meditate and let things be. Create and imagine yourself in the place you want to be. Envision yourself in that position right now. Don't be passive, be engaged!

Posted by: The Momma at March 22, 2004 9:20 PM

I have not met the Momma, but I love the Momma.

You've already heard from me. But I hope a night's sleep helps too. And hey, I'll be seeing you soon and we can continue our top-secret plans for world domination. So you see, it all works out.

Posted by: Christopher Ashworth at March 22, 2004 11:40 PM

Oops. How embarrassing. I HAVE met the Momma. I just momentarily forgot. I do that. Sorry Momma. It does not change the sentiment!

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