i'm back i'm back.
back from home.
christmas was lovely, actually. my crazy grandmother was in a very good mood and it was therefore not a punishment to be with her. my father, stoic as always, seemed to appreciate my crappy guitar playing, as did my red-neck relatives, one of whom (Little Mikie, you know, 300 pound little Mikie) had earlier been bragging about the 4 pound steak he'd eaten in triumph. he recieved a gold medallion for his accomplishments.
gotta love family.
oh and made mommy cry. fun fun :) went to see Lord of the Rings, we both stepped out of the theater weepy eyed and silent all the way to the parking lot when she turned to me and said:
"so. that was good, huh?"
and we laughed. the same laugh, i'm told, and i'll remember this christmas for its laughter, there was so much joy in it.
and my time with my love was... well... lovely. things only get better. when does the other shoe drop?
maybe it doesn't.
and now i'm back in my clean CLEAN living room, listening to laura sing awesome songs on the banjo, happy and lonely, hopeful and longing.
gah.
i got up at 5:30am today to go busk with my trumpeter friend.
we made five dollars.
thank god i'm home.
tomorrow is my birthday and I am turning 24. I am entering the land mark time of my "mid-twenties." its terrifying a little. though i feel the momentum behind projects that will take me places and comfortable resignation that you just can't please all of the people all of the time. and you can't ever please dad.
i'm going home, soon, it still feels like home. i still feel intransit, almost like when i was traveling. like i don't really yet belong to a place. now, don't get me wrong, Washington is a nice town. but its full of people who are just passing through, thousands of college students, congressmen, diplomats, beaurocrats, businessmen and for me, it feels a little like a city without feeling for me.
or maybe that's just cities in general.
so, i took the job in boston for the summer.
oh my dear friends, i have to say, i may succumb to the white picket fences of the northfields of this beautiful country. i need some families to be my neighbors and i need some schools to visit, and businesses to support.
i am feeling my age finally. my mid-twenties. still wanting, well, everything really, but beginning to realize that maybe i can't have everything i want. but i'm sure i'll be getting everything i need. until then, i will try to play my guitar and write new words and not worry if they're worthy of anyone else. being worthy for me is enough indeed.
oh home, i'm looking for you, to come home to... oh i know i will find you.
so... another job?
should i take this summer job? it would mean moving to boston for the summer to teach again at the summer program I'd worked at during college? the bonus is, they pay me money, and give me room and board, so that's money straight into my pocket, even if i CAN't find anyone to rent my room in my shit hole apartment..
and.. and... AND...
I could come home for the first two weeks of June.. huzzah, huzzah!!
in other news, met with the two ladies I'll be doing this theater piece with... immediately began storming our brains... looks like the piece is going to be about age.... women and age... stay tuned. i'm excited.
amazing, my darlings, to simply be working again. feeling like my brain is being forced to reach outside itself and think about something more than vaguely important. thinking about reading certain feminist works. thinking about the times i began to feel i was turning into my mother, as opposed to the rest of the time when I still feel I'm 12.
oh my dears, i have a voice teacher. i'm taking a class. i might actually be able to pay for it all.
wish me luck. i'm thinking of all of you during these holiday days.. be safe and well and happy, because we are all so blessed..
wow.
a great, great holiday.
a man of my very own. for four whole days.
four great women friends all in one room, celebrating each other.
too much music for my heart to take all at one time.
and the food.
oh, the food.
there were 7 of us for thanksgiving dinner.
there were 8 desserts.
5 pies, 2 carrot cakes, and a pan of baklava.
when we finished dinner (which we ate on my living room floor), we looked at our small dining room table covered in food. the gigantic pot of stuffing looked as if christ himself had blessed it and planned to feed another thousand people with these two loaves. ach.
and then the dancing.
after sad good byes and a little magic, we drove to philadelphia for a 12 hour contra dance. my feet were almost bleeding by the end, but by god was it worth it.
in other news, the people in my life are spectacular. i'm paying my rent on time with my own money, i'm paying off the debt i owe laura, and if i'm lucky, i may have enough left over for christmas presents. and my auditions for my little project are coming up this weekend.
huzzah.